the lady in black oriental silky blouse

it was in my dream days ago,

she seem like a little gloomy and yes she's my aunt,

she passed away years ago and that's her first visit of our new house.

she dressed in dark, so dark.

the atmosphere is sorrow, sourly sorrow.

i love her, i miss her, i miss her food, i miss her smile, i miss her toughness, i miss her so much.

in the living room with my mom and dad, we're so touched to see her yet feeling upset,

because i can't see her smiling this time, in my dream.

wanted to ask how are you but i just put up a light smile.

she seem like has something to tell me, or a lot of thing to tell me,

maybe a request, maybe a concern or maybe a glance of thought,

i don't know and i wanna know.

so long my lovely aunt, our last met you were happy and energetic,

i had fun shopping grocery with you in a paradise like supermarket,

but this time you're not happy, even the smile is so stiff and still in my memory.

is not a nightmare, is a reunion kinda dream.

i'm happy to see you yet not really.

confusing not disturbing,

trembling not touching,

i can't describe with my limited vocab.

please remember,

i'll never forget such a lovely lady like you,

a saint like lady has lived in my world for 18years.

my memories of you will never fade until death occurs.

love, desperate to hug you once again.

rest in peace my dear aunt with no pain and sorrow.

vin peaceman,

recalling his disconnected love, the gone away family member.

i killed my boss twice, in my chimerical world.

tiny human, big performance.

alright, had a good week of works and sweet time through out the weekend with my love,

me the lucky bastard has a very good resigned senior to teach me everything she had,

so thankful and grateful.

well... now i can confirm that my dad is really the most amazing boss in klang valley.

cause out there is really cunning, cunning and fucking cunning.

imagine a less than 10 employee company but making pure profit as those hundreds labor works factory, how smart is my boss to squeeze us till not even a single drop left.

sounds cruel and sad, but is a place to go through the hell like training.

good good good.... not that tough though, yet.

thanks love for giving me a such lovely weekend and i can reboost my soul to back to this 'dried out' studio.

working here makes me know through the whole bloody diploma course, i can only make use of 25% of what i had learned. others just some skin level information.

experience always defeat the books, how lucky i'm a practical but not so productive person.

bullshitting still might get be there, a while.

cheers, for the rough smelly earth yet some people still able to continue imagine fantasies.

vin,

preserve the fantasy, don't let your son know what's behind disney.

one lucky bastard!

yes, without any accident.

i got my job, not a gigantic company but have good chance of exposure.

first interview then bull's eye.

making a fortune in few years?

possible if i trike 3 times toto in a row,

is okay, i've got my plan on.

the world is yours i always believed, but how much can you take? and how capable are you?

ask it before complaining... the huge is growing huger of course, the small will shrink like tiny anchovy.

stick back to the reverse pyramid rule, is so realistic.

never mind, one man can't hold a boulder, but group of men can build pyramids.

my tee business? not good obviously.

is my part of learning, also my part of playground.

as long as i give in my juice, things won't go wrong or fail.

catch up the peaceman.

my art, a start

yes, is here

Yes, Is time to kick some real asses.

thanks for dating with a fucked up man.

now i'm out of cocoon, love me more.

i gave up the penny for now, because i can no longer be my 'rockstar' in my age of 25,
not being rebellious, is being brave to build my real scented skies with small little pieces of my effort. more solid, more meaningful for me. courage i need, love i need too but only from you.

maybe you have to see your me with empty wallet and lot of discount vouchers,
painting my stupidity on worthless cloths,
now i'm out of the green house, no longer shaded fully.

if i'm a stickman uses the shining armor of my dad to protect myself, is really empty.
exploring my world and see more, adapt more, learn more... is fulfilling myself in a whole.

materialistic human, we all are,
but not so soon for me.

seeing myself building my life, my own life little by little,
perfecto.

tycoon not me, i don't have the greed and intelligence,
peaceman will always be my last name, down to the dirty earth, mud or soil.

vin peaceman, no regret for my stupidity.

metamorphosis - 16(End) - the usual me

" who are you? the missing link? "
i replied and waited for 5 minutes but the phone didn't sound at all so i went to shower.
loosen the tightened slight rusted tap and let the water rinse off the sticky sweat and gloom of the day,
humming the song of Kurt again and again but in my mind kept thinking who was the one who text me.
how i wish is her, Chian. i got her name from Kit and please forgive for my gutless.
well, she has a boy friend which i'm too far to compete with, what can i do more? i really give up this time, shameful and awful me. never mind, live on.

i walk down to the kitchen and open the dining table, seeing the family is a complete to have dinner together, conversation and laughter, enjoying the good meals from my mom and Annie. how lovely, what do i want more for now?
we're happy,
we're healthy,
we're fortunate, the real fortune.

has been struggling for years to get something but when i'm tired, my family is the one will never give me up all time.
i'm weak and i know all the time.
my friends are the bonuses of my life, they coloured up my vision, share stories with me, some made me really envy, some i felt unfortunate for them. what can i do more? even though there's a day i disappeared suddenly, the bond of friendship is still in the heart i guess, or i should believe.

the text message, how i wish it was Chian, so i can start making common conversation.
i dreamed of her, but should stop already.
how i hope Hydie was Chian, then things would go totally perfect.
but who's life that really smooth as love drama?
i should look in my hand now, i'm fortunate to have my family and friends now.
should let go the unreachable now, i admit and it is.

i went back to my room and look at my phone again,
start clearing the texts because the memory is limited.
in the box of 'draft' there's two messages,
i look into them,
first,
"hi, i'm vin. the one who brought you to the classroom on the first day of your school. hope you still can recall.. =)"
i typed this almost a week right after i got Chian's number from Kit. but i never dare to send this,
it was still hope, so i didn't send it out. but now... "Message deleted"
the second message,
"who are you? the missing link?"
just realized that my phone is out of credit, what a joke... is alright, is no longer important who is it already.

"all messages are deleted"

okay, is time to sleep already.
i went back to the same spot i guess..

"alarm alerted"
my vision slowly recovered and look at the grey alarm clock,
6.45am, it showed.
"SHIT!" yes, i'm late again...
leaving the house without shower and hair styled, wearing the dirty white school shoes with half buttoned shirt.
"Boy! your breakfast!"
my mom shouted from the gate with a packed sandwich in her hand waving at me,
"thanks Mom!"
i quickly run back and grabbed it, my mom still that awesome and caring.

"1.60ringgit boy,"
i bought my train ticket and rush to the platform,
but i heard the train is departing already.
i'll be late to school as usual, start sitting on empty bench and plug in the headset of my cassette player,
someone tapped on my shoulder,
i look up,
the usual hard breathing face, Elaine.
"wow, had a long run huh?"
"bastard, can't you give me a morning call?"
"is okay, we'll see the others later in the auditorium as usual.:

start smiling and share half of my sandwich with her..
and she shared her pack of fresh milk with me too.

yes, the usual me.

- end - Metamorphosis, Life of Vin - Year2004 -

p/s : i must end it as i promised myself. Story based on my year 2004 (65%), i didn't end it simply, i ended it with metamorphosis, what comes around, goes around. Thank you for reading it, my first story.

safety gone empty

maybe she thought that i've gone too far,

i admit of course or else you no longer special or important in my life.

what else can be happened in the next second in this country?

you gotta be as alert as possible of course and our country isn't rated as most dangerous place, yet.

average rape cases in Malaysia is 9 daily *reported only*

hell.... i'm just tiny man with no rifle or pistol,

with no strong ability or super power to blink right in front of you in eye blink time.

"if you're so worry, you should have waited me down stair already."

good one and applause of course.

what's the point of downloading the taiwanese dramas and let it inject the 'fantasy' in your mind,

is all fake though,

"我一定要幸福？"

let's jump to new zealand and plug some apples then.

i've no choice to throw my voice out right here,

no one will be impressed by my words though.

sickness, decease, disaster, aging, murder, sabotage and so on of the unwanted tragedy...

couldn't be escaped though.

hopefully you'll know why did i over react,

isn't because i'm controlling,

or you belong to me,

is just you're the first thing appear in my mind when i 'm awake daily.

vin,

quite unstable at the moment.

Yes i know, the over worried will not be appreciated, always.